What happens, when dreams become reality

This article was actually supposed to be a report about everything that happened so far, during my stay in South Africa. Unfortunately, every time I tried to put all the events together, my brain just froze and screamed “ERROR” at me. At least I got to write down some of the phases, that I’ve been through so far.

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D A Y 1

I’m sitting in the car, on the way from Johannesburg back to Dundee, alone with Miguel and a lot of thoughts on my mind. Yesterday we dropped my parents off at the airport, after two weeks of holiday. Today is officially day number one of my adventure. It’s my fourth time in this country, yet I feel so lost today. The dream that I worked so hard for, is now standing in front of me, waving, being like “Hey Sarah, it’s me, your dream! It’s very nice to finally meet you in person! I know it took me a while but here I am now! But hey, why are you crying? Don’t you remember how much you were looking forward to this moment?” Two weeks have passed since the day of my arrival, two weeks in which my parents, Miguel and I traveled this country, that will be something like “home” for me, at least for quite some time. I am grateful beyond words for those unforgettable moments - but today the holiday is over. Today is day one in the chapter called “My life in South Africa”, day one without my parents; it’s the first time in my life that I am so far away for such a long period of time. And today, what can I say, today is just really not a good day.

P H A S E 1: OVERLOAD

The first shock is over, the first tears have dried, yet my feelings are still going up and down. The first days feel like I am stuck in a free fall. Everything is just rushing, there is so much happening. Where shall I start? How do I create a routine? Am I really here? Is this really happening right now? The days are passing by and my emotions are just all over the place. One minute I am happy, the next second I am melancholic. I feel like 14 again - just overwhelmed by life. My thoughts are wandering into the past, then into the future, trying to figure out what life will be like - without any results. Will this stop one day? Will I ever truly feel that I belong? I came here to be free, meanwhile I feel so lost right now.

P H A S E 2: TRANSITION

My life always went according to plan. If you look back on my journey, you won’t find a single gap. After school to college, after college into my first job, after the first job into the second job - and now: free falling. Looking back on all of these planned years, it makes sense that I need some time to adjust to this craziness. My days are starting to become better and better, there are less dark moments and I slowly begin to enjoy my adventure for what it is. Home is just one flight away, I am reminding myself over and over again.

P H A S E 3: ADJUSTING

I realised that my to do lists do not really help in this situation. My German accuracy and the need to follow a certain plan doesn’t really work here, so I packed them away for now. And guess what - it actually feels quite nice. So many different things made it impossible for me to just follow the bullet points on my to do list. There are hectic things happening from time to time, here on the other side of the world. A wild fire, for example, that kept us busy for many hours and almost burned down everything that we have. At times it’s about rolling up your sleeves to fight with all the power you have.

If there is one thing I’ve learned so far, it’s that it might be hard when your dream bubble pops, but after the first shock it might turn out that reality is at least just as beautiful.